me grumpy!!!

It’s really weird how my life rhythm changes suddenly, once its down and after a day or two  its up then BAAAAM! its down again! Its like a series of surprises that I can’t handle anymore… I mean I wish if I had like a pager that peeps whenever something will happen to warn me about what’s coming next so I can be prepared for it, that would be cool..

Anyway, I’m in my “up” days now and I’m enjoying it so far… I don’t really have so much to talk about it, although a lot of things happened in such a short time, but if anyone notice, I don’t talk a lot about my happy moments in here as much as I talk about my boring problems and sad stories! And I don’t have a particular reason for that nor doing it on purpose, I just tend to.. I don’t know why… but somehow, writing sooth me whenever I’m down, it’s like discharging my body from all that angers and stresses that I’m burden by.. and since I’m terrible in expressing my true feeling orally, I just writing it down in here and sharing it with other people as well.. without putting myself in an awkward situation while I’m crying in front of them whenever I’m telling one of my crappy stories.. so blogging about it is a good way for a self-conscious girl like me. but that shows me as a grumpy pessimstic person and i’m not like that at all.. it just I don’t get to the writting mood unless I’m upset !

Yesterday I was watching “Something’s Gotta Give” on MBC MAX, wasn’t my first time  watching it, but I like this movie so much and I can’t get enough of it, there is nothing special about it, but I just feel so connected to Diane Keaton’s character “Erica Barry”. cause whenever she react over something she remind me of myself so much! There is one particular scene when she was weeping like crazy while she’s typing on her laptop, and the ideas just flow from her mind to her fingers so quickly although she was sad crying! I kept saying: that’s me, she’s me !!! LOL I know she seemed like a crazy woman but I mean yeah sometimes I do cry and clean my room in the same time, or cry and jogging on the trade mill, or write as I said before… and it seems that I do better job whenever I’m in such a mood.. I’m that kind of person who like to squeeze out the best from the worse, the person who hunt every opportunity to get what’s good for her even in the strangest situation and strangest places. But at the same time living the moment as it should be lived. So aside from her quiet life of professional fulfillment and romantic disappointment, there is hysterical crying over a sad hurtful thing while typing a story yeah definitely she’s me ..!

freaky sunday

Sunday was a complicated day for me cause a lot of things kept happen so quickly, and each thing has its own  different surprise, feeling and emotion.. I mean it was a long crazy day, and what made it so long and exhausted that I didn’t sleep the night before and I didn’t prepare myself well for my presentation that I talked about previously, because I was in a really bad mood and I barley could stay alive.. yeah seriously

Anyway thanks god I could stand on my feet that day and dragged myself to the university, I spent the first hour of the morning talking to Amani my friend and telling her what happened to me last night, then I went to the radiotherapy class, and it went so good actually! From the moment the doctor showed up she notice me and said: come sit close to me Suzy, let me see what you bring us today.. I was so scared and embarrassed cause I did nothing actually but reading it for a couple of time and that’s it..I didn’t prepare myself to stand up in front the whole class and explain every little thing I wrote in details! My morale was in the bottom and I was so emotionally hurt from the night before, so I was ready to tell her just take the papers and give me any mark u want.. but quitting is not my thing I suppose, so I ended up letting her to tell me what to do..

So I was explain what I wrote to her quietly and pointing to some important parts and stuff and she just loved it.. and instantly gave me a full mark I was so happy and relieved at the time and I thought that’s it, my work is done.. but NO way :S I still had to play the doctor role for the day.. the girls in the class knew about me before, so they tried to convince her to reschedule for me but that just made me feel worse so I did it anyway.

And I’m proud to say that it went so good, cause after I finished she stand up , clapped for me while she walked toward me and started to complement me in a very cheerful way, I was blushing and excited I didn’t expect that she would really love my oral presentation and I’m in such a bad mood!! I was so glad that I did impress her  and now every time she see me she call me Dr. Suzy LOOOL It’s really amazing.

So after all, I had my time for a moment but that wasn’t the end of the day, cause immediately after that I had the worst, horrible, most hurtful phone call conversation in my whole life that I’ve never thought that I would ever had it!!! which made me so sad and tired again! And it continued till I back home… I was crying all the afternoon and reconsidering some things in my life..

There are some people around me, even close to me who I thought they were trust worthy, I shared a lot with them, my secrets, my stories, my loyalty, honesty and caring.. I gave them almost everything.. and what do I get back from them? Lying! Cheating? And more lying!!!! I always thought that I have a very good evaluation for people, and my intuitions always came true. But now, I realized that some people are an excellent actors, and they know how to play their roles very well, and how to get what they want whenever they want so easy.. even if it means that they should break you’re heart by breaking all the rules.

It’s not like I’ve never know they were existing, but I didn’t know that they would get me!!! I thought I’m smart enough to find out about those kind of people before they hurt me! But no, cause believe me some have a PHD. In acting, and they are all over around you.

Back to my freaky Sunday, my best friend Ferfer came at 6 pm. And I was really happy to see her at the time. I needed to see an old best friend who you know that you could run to them whenever you want and always find them there for you. We talked a lot and catch up what missing and it was so much fun and relieving for me

So by the night I became calm and relaxed enough to make some decisions I had to made.. so I ended some hanged issues and I took a short break from some.. which I think it might be a very long break actually.. and time will heal my wounds for sure.

Teasing msg from lolla :S

another teasing msg from medO :S if i had a dollar everytime some one ask me that question